myperformancereviewsucked.com

This lifted from the section of my review entitled “interpersonal relationships”:

Mike can get pretty passionate at times, and he needs to ensure that he separates the personality clash from the business issue lols.

I cannot believe that my boss used “lols” in my performance review. What is he trying to do? Soften a piece of pretty valid criticism? Give me a knowing nudge that says “hey everyone thinks you have a terrible temper”? Prove that he is hip?

When I originally received this assessment as part of my annual review I was pretty confused, so I questioned my manager in my face to face. How was it possible that in EVERY area I seemed to have met or exceeded my goals and objectives, and yet overall I received a middling result?! My manager’s response was this: “Don’t read too much into the paper based assessment, I have absolutely no problem with your work, you are a standout employee but to fit in with the company bell curve structure, we simply can’t award anymore 5′s in your area this round. It won’t affect you in future performance reviews.” This is absolute rubbish! So what they’re telling me is that basically, I can do everything right, put in the extra 10% and in the company’s eyes, I’ll still only be as good as the guy in the cubicle next to me that spends half the day on the phone arguing with his wife instead of working!! I’m outa here!

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Saw this on twitter the other day. I love this person’s optimism!

One thing I really hate is getting a performance review that tells me NOTHING! How does sitting down with my boss and hearing her tell me that I am “doing great” that I am a “5” and that I should just “keep doing what you’re doing!” help me at all?!
Really? I am really perfect? 100% perfect?! That’s excellent! Then why don’t you make me the @#$%^&* CEO and let me run the @#$%^& company for crying out loud!

At least pretend to know what I actually spend my time doing and why it makes a difference. Pretend to recognize areas that I am good at and areas that I can improve. Pretend to give a crap! If you don’t then why the hell should I?!

Tell me what YOU are going to do to help ME and my career! Why I should continue to work here? Or not? Give it to me straight, I’m a big boy. I can take it. If you don’t think I can cut it in the role then I don’t want to keep wasting my time! If you think I can, tell me why and sell me on staying here and working my butt off for you! Make me want it more than anything in the world!! Convince me that I matter to this organization and that I am getting better experience and opportunity working here than I could anywhere else!!! JUST STOP TELLING ME NOTHING AND WASTING MY TIME!!!
OK… Rant over…
Thanks MPRS (MyPerformanceReviewSucked) for the opportunity. I hereby, do solemnly swear, to NEVER waste someone’s time if I am giving them a performance review.

My most suckful review had to be the one that didn’t happen. My boss had finished firing half the department and was hoping I’d leave too, so he didn’t bother to give me my performance or salary review. One day the student we had helping out for work experience got a letter from him saying she wasn’t getting a wage increase, which is how I found out reviews were actually taking place. I left the company the following month.

I work in the Singapore office of a manufacturing company from China. This is part of the performance review I was given last year. It has a Google translate vibe:

Kevin has done very well, this year’s growth, he sold a small area. He added many new customers and in this regard than expected. The goal is that each region 8, but Kevin is expected to achieve its mission over an area of 15 at the top of this area.

I have lots of my customers and workmates in Facebook… thought I’d use it to gather some feedback…

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